


Heaven Isn't so Great Without You

by Awesomepie3221



Category: Carmilla - Fandom
Genre: F/F, Saaaaaad, Sad, yup sad again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-27
Updated: 2015-05-27
Packaged: 2018-04-01 13:59:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4022470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Awesomepie3221/pseuds/Awesomepie3221
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was such a stupid way to die.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heaven Isn't so Great Without You

Everything glowed blue here. It radiated from the sky, from the flowers, the trees, the dirt, the birds, everything. The blue was warm, but cold at the same time. It provided comfort for her but it also made her dread everything. It made her glad she was dead, it made her feel like she was finally going home, but it also made her want to break down crying because she was moving. She was being ripped from the only universe she knew to adapt to a new one. It was like eating smooshy cookies right from the oven while drinking spoiled milk.

It took her a few hours before she was able to move. Before she was able to move her head around and stretch out her limbs. She wasn’t ready until then. She stumbled up before falling back over. Her limbs were light. She could barely feel them. She felt as if her muscle was gone, and she was just controlling bone. But when she looked, all her muscle was in place. It took another two hours before she was able to stand up and walk. She was walking in a dark field, orange and yellow flowers illuminating the area around it. She walked over to a tree and managed to look up at the sparkling gems hanging from its limbs. She went on her tip toes and plucked on off, holding it in her hand. Its beauty was only an illusion as her hand was sizzling from its heat in only a moment. Instinctively she screamed and it fell to the ground. She held her hand closer to her eyes to get a better look when she saw the skin heal over. It crawled across her skin and connected to each cell, as if she was never burned. It didn’t seem unnatural to her.

Suddenly, she heard a noise coming from the blue. The sound of hooves falling on the ground hastily. She swiftly turned to her left, her blond hair flying from the sudden motion. There they were: antelope skeletons. They had no skin, no muscle, and no nerves. They were simply running bone. But she could tell what they were from their horns. Still, nothing seemed unnatural to her.

Birds cawed noisily above her, skin and flesh and all. There were swarming black birds that reeked of impurity and white birds that were pure to the bone. She wanted to follow the white ones. They seemed more like her. She was never one to linger on too long. And she knew they lived in the blue. The blue got brighter as it went; purer; comforting. If she went any farther into the darkness, she would be consumed by it, and honestly, she was feeling as scared and impure in the part of the darkness that she was that she would like to get, and she was only around 14 yards from the blue. She started to go towards the blue.

“You really want to go there?” Laura knew that voice. The deadpan tone that knew more than you could possibly ever need to know. She swerved to her left and saw Carmilla sitting on the ground, plucking dark grass. “I’ve been to this place more than I like to admit. It can be nice, I suppose. Once you know what it really is though you never really want to stay. I won’t ruin that part for you though. You’re smart enough to figure out. Just like L.”

Laura paused at Carmilla’s words. So she’s been in here before. It was something vampires could access.

“I know what you’re thinking. It’s not exactly private here. You don’t really realize it, but you’re speaking all your thoughts.”

“Oh.” Her mouth felt tingly as she deliberately talked. It felt as she was saying something when she hadn’t said anything in years. Her voice was hoarse. This made her confused though. How could she feel as if she hadn’t talked in years if she was just saying her thoughts aloud?

“I wasn’t speaking out loud, was I? I feel as if I haven’t talked in years.”

Carmilla got up and walked over to the tree behind her, taking one of the gems easily in her hands and biting into it. “This stuff is basically heaven for vamps,” she explained. She swallowed it easily after a few seconds and then took a deep breath. “Really knocks the wind out of your lungs though. Guess it’s good for everything except your lungs.” She took another bite from the gem and then threw it into the dry field nearby. “Anyway, I see you’re becoming more aware faster than other people. Most people just dismiss the fact that they can’t talk well. But, you caught me. I can actually hear your thoughts in my head. It’s weird and I can’t explain it. Don’t think about that. It’s unimportant. Figure out where you are, Laura.” She came closer to her and was about to place her hands on Laura’s cheeks but frowned and pulled back suddenly. Laura didn’t notice this though. She was already too buried in her head. She could feel that she knew where she was. What she was. She had just known it. And then the answer leaped to her mouth, eager to come out.

“I’m dead.” The words hurt her throat, made her feel like acid was coming up.  
“Can-do.”

“No-no, I can’t be dead. I’m only 19. I can’t even drink yet! This isn’t possible this can’t be happening no no-” Carmilla cupped her hand around Laura’s mouth, burning her. Laura yelped and jumped back, bringing her own hands to her mouth. It stung as she touched it.

“I had to make you shut up, okay? If anyone higher up finds out that you know this because of me I’m fucking screwed. Especially if they find out I’m this close to the blue. I’m going to explain a bit to you. And shut up throughout the whole thing.

“You were in a car crash. I know, out of all the fights and shit you’ve been through this is how you die. You lost too much blood and died. A few days ago, actually. Time moves so much slower here. What feels like a few seconds could really be a few hours back in our dimension.” Carmilla paused for a second, and Laura got ready to ask a question, but promptly shut her mouth when Carmilla glared at her. 

“This place is called Middle Dimension. It’s what separates us all from Heaven and Hell. Blue is good, Laura. Blue is Heaven. I’m so glad you got it. Red would be so awful. Red is Hell. Red is what I’m going to get.” That made a lump form in Laura’s throat, but it was obvious that Carmilla had gotten used to that fact decades ago. “You need to go into Blue.” Her tone changed so drastically, it threw Laura off. It was desperate.

"L is there, Laura. I can feel that she’s there. I want you to tell her that I love her.” Tears were starting to form in the vampire’s eyes. She was trying to act tough, but it was obviously hard. “I hate how you died so young, Laura. My stupid roommate is now my stupid dead girlfriend.” The tears were now messing up her mascara. Laura wanted to hold her, pat her back and tell her it would all be okay, bare through all the burns it would cause her. But she knew that wouldn’t help. It wasn’t going to be okay for Carmilla. Or her. Nothing was okay anymore. She was crying now. Fuck.

Carmilla was wiping away her tears. “I love you.” The words were barely audible but they were still there. They were there and they rolled over Laura like a steamroller. They hurt. They hurt so badly. They would only be short lived. Those words wouldn’t grow old with them. They wouldn’t grow old together. They wouldn’t. It hurt so fucking bad.

“I fucking hate this so much, Carm.”

“That’s not even the worse part.” Laura could tell she was in so much pain herself, but she was covering it up well. Centuries of practice came into play. “You have to go in about five minutes otherwise you won’t be able to go anymore. Trust me, it’s awful farther from the blue. Sure you’ll find a civilization out there, but those people have no morals. Less than me, Laura.”

A civilization?

“Carm, we can live with them! We don’t have to separate!” Laura was bouncing up and down with the idea, completely ignoring Carmilla’s warning. Carmilla frowned and shook her head. She had started crying again.

“You don’t understand. Of course you don’t. You’re only 19. You don’t want to go to those, Laura. I’ll be kicked out of Middle Dimension before we even find one. It won’t work. It didn’t work with L. And you saw what happened to L in the end. I don’t want that happening to you.” Carmilla inched closer to Laura and smiled through the tears when she was next to her. Laura looked into the brown eyes that Carmilla held and took her hand, stroking her cheek. It burned, but she didn’t care. She only cared about the overwhelming love she had for the vampire. The vampire she had only known for a year. Fuck. Suddenly Laura was cupping Carmilla’s head and pulling her so close, pulling their lips together. The pain was so blinding that she felt like she was going to faint. Her lips were melting off. She needed one more kiss though. One more before she left. Carmilla was the first one to pull back.

“I love you so much,” she said softly, wiping a few tears from her face. She started to walk back, Laura lurching out to grab onto her hand. She was too slow. Carmilla faded into dust, flying into the air. The dust sparkled as it settled, but was soon disappearing.

Laura let out a choked sob. This wasn’t okay. Nothing was okay. Everything was pain. Blinding pain. It consumed her, filled her like a glass to every part of her. She was sobbing hard now. She couldn’t see from the tears. She couldn’t move, she was shaking so badly. She fell down. Her ears were ringing. Her chest was on fire. Her lips were still burning from the kiss.

Suddenly she was engulfed in blue.

~

Heaven wasn’t exactly like every Christian said it was. People’s souls didn’t float around. People still had their bodies. Not everything was pure bliss. It was more-so filled with pain. Laura knew that that wasn’t how it’s supposed to be. She was explained by a lower-rank angel that she wasn’t supposed to know anything in Middle Dimension. That she feels pain and sobs every private time she gets because she figured it all out. Because Carmilla visited her. The kiss they shared hadn’t made it any better either. It had taken part of the brightness in her soul and destroyed it. That’s why it hurt so badly. 

Laura eventually did find L after a year of being there. L was so filled with life, despite all the things she went through. Laura admired her for that.

“She still loves you, you know,” Laura spat out one day to L, who was blabbering on about how she used to paint these beautiful sunsets. L paused in the middle of her word and Laura could see tears in her eyes.

“I’m glad she did.” That was all that was said after Laura said that. L never bothered to bring the subject back up, it brought pain to her. And Laura knew that. They would talk and joke about Carmilla from time to time.

“It was so hard to read her mood, she always spoke in the same tone!” L would joke, laughing sweetly.  
“  
I know, right? And she would always steal my pillow! Pissed me off so much at the time.” The conversations never had a proper ending though, it always ended with one of the girls having a sad smile on their face and the other realizing it was time to change the topic. And so they did. They would talk about what it was like in their time period, and what they did in their free time. It was only something they could do, very rarely anyone remembered their past. It wasn’t a huge priority. It wasn’t wanted. Except for Laura. She wouldn’t give up her memories of Carmilla if it was the only ticket to heaven. She loved her. And she wasn’t afraid to say it. Not after what they went through.


End file.
